Getting judged almost every day, week or months just for the person who you are and specially for being a woman? “Do not Judge her for who she was, rather accept her for who she is now”.

We live in a world where materialistic things are valued more than people and their feelings. We all have lived and survived in a dark phase for once where we had no control over the mindset and decision we make. We transform for the worse, and we are judged whilst we transform for good yet we are judged and doubted for the change we live in. If one cannot tolerate a working woman for who she is raised and is looking after then avoid giving suggestions and playing with her mind if one cannot be happy for her happiness.

A woman is judged for being a daughter, mother and wife and sacrifices her talent/ability silently for most of her life just to fit in a different role within family and outsiders as per others need, she is someone who expects a little world and space to be herself and be proud of who she is, even then that tiny world is taken away from her. We judge easily and conclude our own facts based on what we see but not by what we actually need to know. When a woman knows what struggle outside home means and how it needs to be faced and fight back for her own safety, often she is given the term of being “feminist”.

An Open letter to a person who judged me for the woman I am today, whose words were as follows (or an advise for himself ):

“Don’t marry a feminist. Don’t marry a feminist, son, because she has an axe to grind, and someday you’ll become her target. Don’t marry a feminist because she’s unable to give for the sake of giving. Feminists always tally up a score. Don’t marry a feminist because family will not come first, her career will. Don’t marry a feminist because equality, not marriage, is her ultimate goal. And for marriage to work, the focus and commitment has to be marriage. Don’t marry a feminist because if you get divorced, which you likely will since competitiveness relations don’t last, she’ll blame you and then use your kids as a weapon. Don’t marry a feminist because you’ll never be happy. Feminists are perpetually angry and dissatisfied and have no sense humor. The bottom line, son, is that a feminist will not love you the way a real woman will. #feminism” …

Dear Known Stranger,

I am not surprised to the man who sang against feminism until yesterday and cheered for the victory of one of the rights for women today. The term feminism today, strangles around a man’s neck and puts him into a delusion and hatred and feeling less for the woman he has known but not for others and does that sound equality of his given rights and leveling as he should? Because his ability didn’t reach up to that mark today. Salute to his cheers for his dream world and losing the reality, it’s not a proud moment but an acceptance moment that one such thought against a millions in the ocean seems impractical. Bounded with the term “feminism” in modern term, it’s the same rights of women given years back in Islam until today it’s being highlighted more than before, up roaring now and lacking his own sentiments and acceptance is not worth it, it’s the same right that we have been given and not with the choices to be strangled by a man’s thoughts and pressure in the corner of the room to live within the box with the same man, because there are others who don’t think the same and would be happy to encourage with a support and understanding and not always make a woman target to compromise and live as per the need of others for their own honor. If she has been defame for all this year, that’s only because you couldn’t survive to live outside the box yourself. Feminism isn’t women cheering up and grouped to enjoy, it’s the same path where they struggle just as any other men would do, and man who lacks wouldn’t understand because he seeks for a crowd where he wants to be applauded and cheered for his thinking. It’s all about individuals struggle, and not necessary that every man will step in your shoes to understand your path just because you never spoke about what consequences does she has to face in this filthy world to protect her ownself when others look down upon her just because she is destined to survive and run the home on her own, let his filthy mind salute to his own ability. Why people change after few incidents isn’t questioned but how a woman ends up changing is the major issue where you neglect and scoop out the worse about each other and consider all the same.

Let such man cheer for his own jealously, frustration and mentality, if he leaves on his own then do not bother to chase for his existence. Years of acceptance were a burden, just believing in making the path easier for his peace of mind. He’ll try to find the same woman in every other woman he meets, but wouldn’t find the years of bond. Let new acceptance in both the life be cheerful and happy ending and not a game of playing whose rights should be degraded. Honor the pride statue within you, until someone pushes it hard, it turns into pieces. If he finds reasons for your existence as a corpse, then let his own reasons wander his own existence without being chased of. Call it #Feminism in your puzzled mind, at the end of the day she’s just a woman and lives her life as she is meant to, it’s your choice of getting married or separated from her but no one can change such a filthy mind that you hold.

Daddy’s girl, that’s what I have been called but he himself never broke me to an extent where I would stop loving him but definitely other people have proved why words only remain untrue in reality. Yes, I might have failed as someone else for you but I’m grateful to the same person that made me prove why I shouldn’t be relying on anyone and making me comfortable with my own existence and to succeed as myself, that’s not feminism but reality to live. In the end we survive as a women, call it bitchy or pious, but we do value and learn the lesson and not keep forgetting what has been taught, even if its feelings that tears us apart, we are like bunnies who wants to keep finding there lovers burrow and snug ourselves even if it means to face the back and survive. But when reality hits us hard and he leaves, we just find our own burrow and get comfortable and not move around in others burrow to adjust ourselves. We do survive all by ourselves. Respecting women is every man’s thought, but this thought exists outside the box but not within. But definitely there are few, who accepts and does that within the box too.

Conclusion is, at the end I am a woman… probably not as per his choice but definitely grateful for the bumpy ride and where I should actually be living at. I may be so called “feminist” because I learnt to survive the storm at the age of 15, when life shakes you by that age, reality gets tougher to survive, and passerby will simply jump in your ride and scoop out the best possible way to defame for their satisfaction because I survived. Keeping a thought that oh, she doesn’t have a father, so what? Everyone loses someone in life, no doubt everyone does but in reality, it’s a moment where you stand at the rooftop of one of the highest tower and eyes wide open and the time the storm hits you hard, you just can’t blink but keep struggling to stay throughout the same with numbness and trauma, that’s the difference between knowing and judging and going through in reality yourself has a different level of understanding and appreciating a woman. Again at the end, I am just a woman, who knows what growing up as a daughter means, and also knows what growing up without a father means. And again, I may not be appreciated as a wife because I’m a feminist but definitely I will be appreciated by other free minds who would accept my existence with them. And I will definitely know how to explain my son, of what kind of a mother I have been and how he doesn’t need to reflect on man who can’t tolerate and appreciate his own woman. Not proud with the feminism title, but definitely grateful that he left on his own and made me think in my comfort zone for a while to realize.

Try every possibility to display an enjoyment all over social media, in reality, at night. It’s only your thought that suffocates with regret. Dual show is seen often and understood well. I lacked understanding in your world, not in reality. The bottom line is, Feminism is the radical idea that women’s safety is more important than men’s feelings.

Voice Of Salwa

2 Comments Add yours

  1. rubayahnote says:

    Keep your head up my sis. Don’t let such opinion destroy your dream.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. RUQYA ZAFAR says:



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